Half Year Check Up

January of 2011 marked the first year to compile an annual family yearbook for my larger family of Southwicks. Subtitled, "Family histories as told by themselves," everyone was invited to compile something about his/her year in review and include goals, aspirations or resolutions. I enjoyed reading everyone's entries and each person's perspectives, likes and desires. I learned many things about my rellies.

Half the year is now passed and past. I figure it's time to check up on my New Year's Resolutions (which were pretty much plagiarized and borrowed with a few of my own).

My 2011 Resolutions are:

1. I will take a walk or get some other exercise every day, and especially when I feel stressed.
2. I will remind myself that there are no problems, only "opportunities for personal and professional growth.
3. I will do something every day that makes me laugh out loud.
4. I will take more risks. Everything you want is just outside of your comfort zone.
5. I will worry about only one thing at a time, if I worry at all.
6. I will eat right 90% of the time, and eat whatever I want 10% of the time.
7. I will send out a lot of "Thank You" cards.
8. I will focus each day on something I can do to help another person, preferably unknown to that person.
9. I will not agree to do things simply because someone asks me to.
10. I will get as much sleep as I need to be happy, healthy, and fun to be around.
11. I will focus on what went right every day, instead of what went wrong.
12. I will take long, hot baths or showers as often as I need them to relax.
13. I will find at least five new, really healthy foods that I actually enjoy, and eat them.
14. I will ask myself, "Will this thing really matter in 150 years?"
15. I will walk to more places - like to church, to a friend's house, etc. and park in a distant stall from my destination.
16. I will be thankful for everything.

To date, I have done #12 really well. In fact, I have never had a year that I have soaked in the bath tub so long and enjoyed it so much. I have done pretty well with seven more resolutions and the other half (yes, that would be eight), not so well. In fact, I totally forgot some of them. How can I ever hope to make changes in my life when I forget what changes I wanted to make? It is not that I don't need to make the changes, but rather I feel it would be an improvement to make the changes.

So for the second half of this year, I desire to become more aware and focused in these areas. I feel that self improvement leads to self discovery. If that self discovery is guided by the spirit, then I feel I am becoming closer to the source of my maker in doing His will. That is really my ultimate resolution, to be more like Him. Trust me, I know, and my kids will remind me, that I have a long way to go. But recognition is key to change and so I begin Part II of 2011.

Twenty Seven Years in the Matrimonial Swim!

Twenty seven years ago today, Mark and I jumped into the matrimonial swim and tied the knot! This was after a ten year courtship. Ten years. Plus twenty seven years of marriage. Wow! It has been a wonderful journey full of love, learning and adventure. Our wedding invitation/book best sums up our story leading to this momentous day. It was entitled, "At Last."

From 1974 ---

AT LAST!

Their first date was pleasant and over the years,
they socialized for quite awhile
When it was convenient and easy to do.
Now this was their usual style.

Meg had her music and schooling for law
and Mark had a goal in his mind
To be an M.D., so off to that end-
Toward marriage they seemed disinclined.

There were letters, phone calls, trips and the like-
Non-committal and friendly and great.
But nothing too binding to satisfy both
who wanted a more solid state.

On birthdays or Christmas or Easter or such
Their families and friends all would fret.
And ask Meg in hope, "Did he give you a ring?"
She'd smilingly say, "No, not yet."

But this year at Christmas the ring did appear
And her eyes shone in joy unsurpassed.
The wishing is over - the wedding is near
and the families and friends sigh, "At Last."

To 1984 ---

Thursday, June 21, 1984 was a warm, sunny, beautiful day. We met family and friends at the Salt Lake Temple for our afternoon marriage and sealing.

Yes, there were the funny things that happened that day, like Mark forgetting his tuxedo, being locked out of his house, and finally getting a neighbor with a key to let him in to get it; and me waiting for Mark in the temple for forty-five minutes after the sealing only to realize that I was waiting in the wrong place. Our guests patiently waited for us at the wedding dinner wondering where we were. Hmmmm.

But there were also very serious, wonderful things that happened that day as well.

Wayne M. Beck officiated and gave us some great advice. He spoke of our purpose on earth and the eternal plan of the family. He spoke of the significance of having three witnesses at our ceremony. He related a passage from I John 5:7-8, where John the beloved said, "For there are three that bear record in heaven, the Father, the Word and the Holy Ghost; and these three are one. And there are three that bear witness in earth, the Spirit, and the water and the blood; and these three agree in one." Brother Beck then went on to explain that these three witnesses are present at crucial times in our earthly existence; namely birth, baptism, marriage and death.

Moses 6:59 states: "That by reason of transgression cometh the fall, which fall bringeth death, and inasmuch as ye were born into the world by water, and blood, and the spirit, which I have made, and so become of dust a living soul, even so ye must be born again into the kingdom of heaven, of water, and of the spirit, and be cleansed by blood, even the blood of mine Only Begotten; that ye might be sanctified from all sin, and enjoy the words of eternal life in this world, and eternal life in the world to come, even immortal glory."

He encouraged us to be loving, kind and considerate of each other and to live our lives in harmony and balance with the Lord's teachings.

Over the years I have saved various pieces of marital advice with attempts to assimilate them into my life. Here are a few I have gleaned:

Always be yourself. You are one-of-a-kind and attempts to imitate someone else will only dilute you.

Always do your best, not for show or to please someone else, but simply because to do less weakens character.

Accept that you are not perfect and don't fret over mistakes. Just try not to repeat the same ones twice. I'm sure that if you live life with zest, there will always be plenty of new mistakes to be discovered.

Take risks. If you fall down, get up and don't be afraid of falling down again. Only those who do nothing never fall.

Don't take things personally. People are usually too self-centered to slight others intentionally. And even if they do it purposely, the only important thing is how you feel about yourself.

Laugh a lot, particularly at yourself. Others then can't laugh at you but only with you.

Don't be afraid of crying. Life is full of ups and downs. Sometimes it hurts so bad you don't think you can go on - but you do. And tears really do help wash away the sorrows.

Then again, sometimes life is so joyful you actually do shed tears of happiness.

Love a lot and not just your new husband. Love friends, love nature, love beauty, love learning, love waking up in the morning, and find work and a worthy cause you can love. Pat Bean, Standard Examiner, 29 June 2002

Zeda Haws had her own Ten Commandments for a Good Marriage:
1. Thou shalt love each other unconditionally.
2. Thou shalt be dedicated to your union and there shall be no secrets.
3. Thou shalt handle money wisely, live within your means, and plan your expenditures together.
4. Thou shalt not over indulge, but do all things in moderation.
5. Thou shalt develop a social life together, but value each of your individual needs.
6. Thou shalt be forgiving and hold no grudges.
7. Thou shalt look at adversity as an opportunity for later laughter and immediate growth.
8. Thou shalt be prepared to give more than you get.
9. Thou shalt be expected, together, to give service and support to your community.
10.Thou shalt raise your children together with love and commitment for they are your immortality.

June is a wonderful month for weddings, especially the 21st which is the first day of summer, the summer solstice, and the longest day of the year. Having attended several weddings this month, I rejoice in the happiness and joy for the new brides and grooms. But along with my smiles comes a long, reflective sigh. I really relate to the words of a poem entitled, The Wedding Reception by Martha P. Taysom:

I've reprinted the words with a few (inserts) of my own.

I sit and watch her.
My pastel punch and thick-iced cake
(On delicate plate)
Balance awkwardly on my knee.

I think of me 12 (or twenty-seven) years before.

Her smile beams
First on this reception guest,
Then that.
Sometimes blushing,
Sometimes laughing,
Always turning
Eyes of admiration to the handsome groom.

Should I tell her?
Tell her of face-downed peanut-buttered bread
On new-mopped floor?
Of a two-year-old stretched out
and kicking angrily
In the grocery store
(And everybody watching)?

Can I tell her
Tell her of the almost-can't cope days?
The lonely evenings
Waiting for bishopric meeting (surgeries)
To end?

Will I tell her?
Tell her of the terrifying cry
Of croup
Deep in night?
Or the quickened step
Of the home teacher
Summoned to help administer
To a feverish brow?
(Or the loss of a child?)

No.
But neither can I share with her
The thrill of a newborn's nose
Bobbing in my neck;
The pride of seeing a six-year-old
Begin to read.

I cannot tell her
Of a husband's gentle touch
On my hand
As we pass briefly
In the chapel foyer.

So,
Standing, I brush away the crumbs
From my not-so-new dress,
Smile,
And wave a little
To the bride
Across the room.
Ensign, April 2005

I could have never planned, designed or dreamed the things I have experienced in our marriage. It has shaped us into who we are --and we happily choose to continue the swim together!

As Mark and I drove south along Harrison Boulevard to embark upon our honeymoon we couldn't help but laugh when we saw the United Savings Bank marquee (now the Flying J Headquarters)flashing in bright neon lights, "To Mark and Meg,
AT LAST."

Thank you, Mark. Thank you for being a wonderful husband and father. I love you. You have enriched my life and made me happy. You are my best friend and confidante. I look forward to celebrating our anniversary today and June 21st for many, many years!

The Small Things of Life

For my friends in Ogden

What might one say of small things?

That they are the things that bring few surprises, that cause no sudden rush of emotion, no gasp, nor wonderment, but which give our lives the texture we recognize so well.

The familiar is but its very definition always there;

The familiar is by its repetition rather like a tune we learn as children, stubbornly present; good old 4/4 time or the insistent metre Longfellow used when he wrote Hiawatha.

Lin Yutang, who wrote such charming essays on reading, and drinking tea, and the conditions that offend flowers, asked a much bigger question when he said: what is patriotism but the love of the good things we ate in childhood?

He expected no answer: Rhetorical questions never do;

But he was wrong:

Patriotism is more than that,

But the good things we ate in childhood certainly were good; as were the summers and the friends we had, and everything that lodges in the cobwebby corners of memory.

If you were to ask me how I would like the rest of my life to be, I would say the same. The same friends are the ones I want about me; the same places are the places I want to wake up to.

The world is wide, but it is the corners that are comfortable; so too in our lives small things remain, reassure us.

Moments with friends and family, inconsequential remarks. These things mean the world; they mean the world.

Alexander McCall Smith
Fall Author Event for the Ogden School Foundation

One side note to this, I love meeting new people, making new friends, and exploring different places. That, too, adds to the fabric of my life.

Thoughts on My Mom

Sunday was Mother's Day. Fortunately for me, I was able to be with my mom and dad to enjoy their company and express heartfelt sentiments. My parents are now in their eighties. They enjoy good health. They have had wonderful, fulfilling lives, devoting time and effort to their children and grandchildren. I love them for that.

When I was about eight, my mom gave each of the children a notebook and asked us to write down the things we liked and didn't like about her. Today while going through some old files, I found the things I wrote.

What I Like About My Mother
"Mother, I like you because you cook for me and buy me new clothes. And you are so patient with me when I am sick. I love you very much. You are so nice when you let my friends come and play with me. You keep the house so very, very clean. That's the part I like. You cook the best meals I have ever tasted. Sometimes when you leave you get a baby sitter for us. You were very nice when you took us to Grandma's house and when you took us to the college ranch when it was raining. You are nice when you take the time to go to the store and get us kids play things. You take your money for Mrs. Price to clean our house. And you went down to Grand Central and got me this tablet to write this with. You don't have to do it but you give me piano lessons. You got the gas log for us to keep warm. I LOVE YOU."

What I Hate About My Mother
"I don't like it when you don't let me go to places like when you don't let me sleep with Joyce or when you don't let friends sleep with me. I don't like it when you are cross and angry and swear. I don't like it when you ground me. I can't think of any more things except when you won't take us to the store. I don't like it when you make us tend and when you make us do the dishes."
By Meg Southwick (about age 8 or 9)

Do I sense an aversion to work or curtailment on my freedoms? Well, OK. There you have it! The good, the bad, the likes, the hates. After twenty five years of parenting, my list of "What I Like/Hate About My Mother" has changed. Alot.

I look at the timeless gifts wrapped in love that my mother bestowed upon each of her children. My mother has risen above the worldly import of being a person of success and has focused her life on being a person of value. What distinction do I make between a mother of success and a mother of value? A mother of success in a worldly sense does things more for her own gratification or satisfaction whereas a mother of value does things for the good of her family. A mother of success is concerned with end results. A mother of value is concerned with the process. Albert Einstein put it in these terms (and I paraphrase this): "The successful [wo]man takes more out of life than [s]he puts into it; while the [wo]man of value gives more to life than [s]he takes out of it."

I once worked as a prosecutor in Juvenile Court. So many times I found myself wanting to take the kids I filed petitions against (the adult system would call these criminal charges) and parent them. They needed love, guidance, security and direction. Some would never have a healthy chance at life because of the terrible parenting and horrible, dysfunctional homes they were forced to live in. Yes, I am being judgmental in my portrayals because to me, that is exactly what it was. Terrible parenting. Tremendous obstacles with fetal alcohol syndromes, drug addictions at birth, physical and mental abuses in the home, yada yada yada.

My favorite poster in the office said, "Good kids don't just happen." So true. It was extremely evident that kids with total freedoms and no discipline or boundaries as children fell into an upside down V pattern representing total freedoms at the bottom and locked down confinement at the top. Children and youth with few or no boundaries often enter the "system" that forces upon them appropriate behaviors with institutionalized curtailments such as detentions, probation parameters, etc. Many face incarcerations in jails or prisons as adults, representing the tip of the upside down V having little to no freedoms whatsoever.

Contrast that with a V pattern in healthy homes. Good parents give children restricted freedoms until teaching and responsibility safely allow expansions into realms where freedoms are appropriate. Societal patterns and norms are taught along with social appropriateness. Ideally as children grow and mature, the V continues to widen until freedoms are endless because of good choices and responsible behaviors.

Being a person of value, my mom encouraged each of us to excel in something. She devoted many hours of her time in helping us find our passion. For my oldest brother, it was taking care of animals.

We had a family dog, but his interests soon grew to include frogs, fish, lizards, tadpoles, salamanders, turtles, snakes, iguanas, horn toads, etc. My brother turned our furnace room into his personal zoo. My mom had shelves built along the walls and over time, my brother amassed over ten aquariums and terrariums.

One day before school, my brother plugged the floor drain in the washroom and the space under the door with towels. After flooding the floor with water he let his two Caiman alligators swim around. My mom was shocked and not amused. She took my brother out of school to clean up the room and put the alligators away. But she still let him keep them.

Another time, he ordered a red tailed hawk from South America which surprised my mom when it was delivered to our house. Our neighbor helped Edward build a cage for it with wood and chicken wire. "Fluffy" became our family project. We took turns getting fresh meat scraps from George at George's Market to feed him. The meat also fed two piranhas.

When my brother was about ten, he went to Yellowstone with his friend. He asked me to feed his animals with the following note:

Alligator: 8 fish every day. Kind of big but not too big.
Brown turtle: 2 fish
Little turtle: 1 little fish
Green turtle: feed on Saturday 1 little fish
Lizard: 8 ants a day - turn light off at 8 p.m. Turn on at 7 a.m.
Big fish: 5 sprinkles a day
Little fish: pinchful of food - turn light on at 8 a.m.
Mosquito fish: goldfish food
Bring frog cages in.
Do all this and you get a surprise.

My younger brother, Jim, was fascinated with electronics. His room was full of wires, buzzers, CB radios, and the like. He got his HAM radio license at age 13 and communicated with people from all over the US and other countries. He still loves electronics and has enjoyed a very fun, fulfilled life with his hobby. He has been John Densmore's webmaster (drummer and songwriter for "The Doors") for many years.

In the Doctrine and Covenants 60:14 it reads, "I give unto them a commandment thus: Thou shalt not idle away thy time, neither shalt thou bury thy talent that it may not be known." My mom firmly believes if a child has a talent, it is the parent's responsibility to help him/her develop it.

Both my sister and I began taking piano lessons very young. My mom spent hours with us each week on the piano bench, correcting buckling knuckles and counting out rhythms. She spared no expense in getting us the best music teachers she could find. Not only did she drive me thirty-five miles to Salt Lake for my lessons, she also recorded them so that I could listen to my teacher, Gladys Gladstone repeat the lesson, correct any mistakes, phrase the music, and be ready for the next lesson. Her efforts have brought many experiences of untold joy and inner satisfaction to both my sister and I as we have shared this talent with others.

Every Christmas we got, "do-kits". These were briefcases filled with markers, paper, crayons, paste, scissors and a box of Band-aids. Don't all kids love Band-aids? We spent hours projecting together. My favorite room in my house today is the craft room. I think I have passed down to my children the love of paper, markers, crayons, paste, scissors and Band-aids and of course, scrapbook supplies! I pride myself on being able to complete any project without going to the store.

One year modge-podge was all the rage. My mom, being a person of value, decided that our family should get acquainted with the world's greatest artists and their masterpieces. She bought a large book containing fifty of the most revered paintings. For a summer project, we modge-podged the prints onto plywood boards. It took a long time because we had to stain, sand and seal each one. She pasted background information about the painting and artist on the back of the boards then hung them in the basement.

One day in elementary school, my teacher showed us "Sunflowers" by Van Gogh.

She explained how revolutionary he was for his time and such a genius. I quickly raised my hand and said that my mom owned that piece and I could bring it to school to show the class. To this day, he is one of my favorite artists. I cried the day I saw "Starry Night" at the Musee d'Orsay in Paris.

I am always amazed at the masterful way Jesus Christ dealt with the Pharisees, the scribes, the elders, the sick and afflicted, the needy, the wealthy, the poor, the learned, etc. He loved everyone and served them regardless of rank or status. My mom has similar traits to this. She finds the good in everyone and has always encouraged us to treat people in all walks of life with dignity and respect.

My mom exposed us to cultural and social diversity at a very young age. I am sure we were the only family in the neighborhood who subscribed to "Ebony." We often took Christmas to the poor, clothes to the needy, and music to the lonely. While on vacation, she and my Dad met a girl in Mexico whose dream was to get an education in the U.S. They invited and sponsored Irma to live in the U.S. with us. Frightened and timid, she enrolled at Weber State University, speaking broken English and having difficulty understanding her professors. Imagine the pride of my parents when she not only graduated from WSU with a B.S. degree but continued on to get a Masters Degree from the University of Utah and a PhD from Kansas University. She is now a tenured professor at Western Michigan University in Kalamazoo but still "comes home" to be with us for Christmas.

Motherhood is a learning process you never graduate from. It is rich with bounteous, joyful experiences. President Kimball said, "Motherhood is a holy calling, a sacred dedication for carrying out the Lord's work, a consecration and devotion to the rearing and fostering the nurturing of body, mind and spirit of those who kept their first estate and who came to this earth for their second estate to learn and to be tested and to work toward godhood."

Motherhood is not always easy. Children bring such pleasure -- and sometimes grief. The highs are higher and the lows are lower. "Men are that they might have joy." This joy is partly recognized from opposition.

I love my mom and my children. I love my dad and husband, too. I pray for guidance and strength to be a mother of value over a mother of success and wish my mom a Happy Mother's Day!

A Beautiful Navajo Wedding (with an Apache twist)

Josh and Jessica Nakai Murdock  - - April 16, 2011

Today, Paige and I had the rare opportunity to see a traditional Navajo wedding in Blanding, Utah.  Although the wedding would traditionally be held in a hogan or tepee, an outdoor pavilion was used to accommodate the seven siblings on the bride's side and the twelve siblings on the groom's side plus spouses, parents, nieces, nephews, god parents, friends and the like. 

The ceremony was performed by a medicine man who under Utah Law has authority to perform the wedding rites.  This designation of medicine man is traditionally a generational distinction of honor passed down from a grandfather, father or a recognized elder in the tribe. The Bride
Following Apache tradition, the bride rode in on horseback in a beautiful white buckskin wedding dress that was made and hand beaded by her mother.  Her family walked behind in traditional dress showing support for the bride and the wedding.  (The bride's mother told me that she spent three plus hours every night and an hour during her lunch break for several months to hand bead the dress).  The Navajo tradition has the groom ride in on horseback, but because the bride is half Apache and half Navajo she chose to ride the horse.

The bride arrives on horseback accompanied by her brothers.

The medicine man brings the double vase of water followed by the bride's family.

The Setting

The bride dismounted the horse and carried in a wedding basket of corn meal as she joined the groom on the blanket.  A small cast iron pot full of hot ashes and cinders (fire) was positioned in front.  The medicine man carried water in a wedding vase made of wood with pouring spouts on either side. A container of sand was positioned on the floor as well. All of these items would play a symbolic role in the ceremony.The sacred symbols of the wedding ceremony include water, fire, sand, cornmeal and pollen. The medicine man began by blessing all four sides of the premises (the four sacred mountains) and sprinkling corn pollen in a large circle on the ground and a pinch on the bride and broom.  Corn pollen is highly sacred and represents life and fertility, in nature and for the Navajo. It is essentially a metaphor for fertility, as well as happiness and life itself.  This was followed by a special prayer for the joining of  the two families. The couple was given special advice that wherever their home may be, that this special union would go with them.  The bride and groom were asked to sit in prayer with their eyes closed to contemplate a long, devoted life together.  Their ties of unity today would go as far as they choose.  "Bless them when they have conflict, that they will resolve it with understanding.  When one is sick the other will provide care and comfort.  When the other is sick, he/she will provide the same in return.  Let it be known that this family will begin with the most wonderful blessings of love, caring and compassion for each other."

They were told that two nationalities were being joined together at this time.  May they have and enjoy the best of both worlds.  May they seek out those traditions and customs that will best serve them and their future family.  They were advised to replicate Mother Earth with her traditional values and that wonderful blessings would come their way.  They were reminded to remember their roots and their families and to always be grateful.  Be grateful for the wonderful times, be grateful for good experiences, for the hard times, for the victorious times and for the good times.  "Take care of each other physically, spiritually and emotionally from the bottom of the feet to the top of the head.  Stay in balance and harmony.  Be respectful of the home, both within and without.  Prepare good food to eat, that there will be wellness, growth and happiness. 

The wedding vase and basket are used in the ceremony.

 
The Wedding Symbols
The medicine man then explained each of the wedding symbols.  The fire is symbolic of basic roots.  It is a fundamental element used to keep you warm, to cook your food, to bless you in your lives, to symbolize the couple's love for each other.  The water is symbolic of life.  All living things require water to thrive and survive.  It strengthens, hydrates, cleans and nourishes the body and soul.  The sand replicates Mother Earth.  It provides a base to grow food and to allow one to eat.  It is the foundation for everything in life.  It is solid under one's feet and provides everlasting blessings.  It is the foundation and stability of the home.  The corn meal and corn pollen is to nourish and strengthen the body and union of the couple.  It will provide health, happiness, growth and good fortune day in and day out. 

The Application of the Wedding Symbols
At this point in the ceremony, each of the symbols was used in a ceremonial rite orchestrated by the medicine man and executed by the bride and groom. A small, specially grown tobacco was encased in a wrapping and lit with the embers in the fire.  This stick was then handed to each member of the wedding party (bride, groom, parents of both, and the godmother of the bride)  to puff smoke out and direct the smoke over their heads, arms, body, etc.  (No, they did not inhale this substance, FYI). The stick was then returned to the pot of coals from which it came. The wedding vase of water was then presented to the groom.  He proceeded to pour water in the bride's hands, which she washed over the basin of sand.  Then the bride helped to wash the hands of the groom.  They dried their hands with a traditional Navajo blanket. 

Corn Pollen and Meal
The basket of cornmeal was presented to the bride.  Corn pollen was placed over and around the basket.  The medicine man explained that this was one of the most sacred parts of the ceremony and requested that no pictures be taken.  The bride then proceeded to feed cornmeal to the groom and the groom did so to the bride. The meal was then extended to each of the groom's family who one by one addressed the wedding couple and sampled a taste.  The same invitation went to the bride's family as well and anyone else who desired to participate.  The remnants were then rubbed into the basket.  A cup of water was warmed over the smoke of the ashes and presented to the bride and groom to help wash down the cornmeal.

Good Tidings are Extended
The medicine man then asked the bride and groom to extend their legs out straight on the floor and flex their feet upward while cupping their hands on their laps, extending their fingers upward.  The couple was told of the five tools that would serve them in life which included hard work, care for themselves and each other, a sacred home, etc.  A traditional chant in the native tongue was sung to the bride and groom and corn pollen was sprinkled into their opened hands.  There was a beautiful casualness about the ceremony as a cute little nephew of the brides about age two toddled up behind the couple and stared intently at the medicine man as he chanted to the newlyweds (or almost newlyweds).  The bride then tasted the corn pollen, sprinkled some on herself and held it upwards towards heaven.  Time was counted by the medicine man.  The same was done by the groom. 

The hair should only be cut if approved by the husband or a tragedy occurs.

The couple was told that the key to this marriage was to take care of each other.  Most likely children will come and life will become more complex, but the circle of life will also make life more complete and whole.  They were told that the sun comes up and goes down each day, automatically.  It becomes a daily routine of life.  This new couple needs to keep their eyes open, to become alert and aware of their surroundings, to know their place and to help each other on their way.  If they will do this and keep love in their hearts, they will "be all right."  They couple was wished good luck and told that they could now stand and kiss each other.  It was a very beautiful, insightful and interesting wedding! 

Jessica and Josh, we welcome you to the matrimonial swim and wish you a wonderful, fulfilled, meaningful life together. Thank you for letting us be a part of your beautiful wedding day!

With all our love,
The Naisbitts

M&M's Family of Nuts

I dedicate this blog to a very fun friend whose insight, humor and intellect capture the dynamics of our family.   Robin Lewis Farr masterfully painted M&M's family of nuts.  The portrait is complete with our two lovely peach pits, the Brazil nut and two aging walnuts. Brilliant! 

Saturday Evening POST, May 16, 1959

And from the archives of the Saturday Evening POST (or was she spying through the front window?) Robin reveals Sunday morning at the Naisbitts!  Amazing, Robin, just amazing!

Daffodils

I just returned from the cemetery to pay homage to Zeke.  Twenty four years today.  *Janice Kapp Perry told me that one day it would become a bitter-sweet experience.  It has, but the memories and emotions are still so deep and poignant in my mind.  In that cold, stark white hospital room was one breath of beauty -- the vase of golden yellow daffodils.   My sweet friend, Judy Millard cut them from her garden to bring a ray of hope to an otherwise dismal situation. She even dug the bulbs up as a farewell present when we moved. I love daffodils. I look forward to their blooms in my yard each spring. 

Little ZSN

Over the coffin crib of our young son
We draped the coverings just so for one
Zeke Southwick Naisbitt (promised earthly joy)
Such a big name for just a day old boy.

Though tears fall from our broken hearts - bereft,
Time but brief succeeds in its quick theft.
For life's a whole, continuing chain of careness
And death is overcome at that awareness.

While earth days left to us will take their toll,
Sleep well, dear little son, in your green knoll.

Aftermath

From the porch at Wildcat Lane
We see your grave with greening grass.
Through the still dawn or evening's wane,
We hark for steps that never pass.

We will not grieve at your demise;
You needed but one day of birth
To see with wise, celestial eyes.

Not wanting lessons taught on earth,
You followed heavenly semaphores
Back to your promised guarantors.

We grieve for us who still must stay
To conquer tasks of our earth day.

Zeke Southwick Naisbitt
March 5-6, 1987

With all my love.

* Janice Kapp Perry states, "I wrote "Where is Heaven" on a melancholy afternoon when I was thinking of our little son Richard who had lived for only five hours following his birth."

"I often found myself wondering exactly where he was and what he was doing during the time of our separation from him. I strained to remember our pre-mortal existence, hoping to find comfort from what had happened there. But the veil remained firmly in place, leaving me to walk by faith for now. My comfort came from realizing that the only glimpse of heaven I could have right now was that which I felt in the presence of our own earthly family. I prayed that Richie felt that same happiness with those loved ones who greeted him on the other side of the veil. Although the lyrics do not explicitly talk about death, the song has most often been sung at the funerals of children, so something I was feeling evidently came through these words."

Where is Heaven (JKP, 1977)

I wish I could remember the days before my birth
And if I knew the Father before I came to earth.
In quiet moments when I'm all alone
I close my eyes and try to see my heav'nly home.

Chorus
Where is heaven? Is it very far?
I would like to know if it's beyond the brightest star.
Where is heaven? Will you show the way?
I would like to learn and grow and go there some day.

I wish I could remember the Father's loving face.
And all the friends and family that filled that holy place.
Was I a child there? Did I walk with God?
And was that where I learned about the Iron Rod?

Repeat Chorus

Although I can't remember, and cannot clearly see
I listen to the Spirit, and so I must believe.
But still I wonder, and I try to find
The answer to the question that is on my mind.

Repeat Chorus

I've a feeling that it's not so far
When you're with the ones you love,
It's right where you are.